


you're creating a hostile environment

by verity



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Crack, Fashion & Couture, Gen, Shopping, thread count
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-30
Updated: 2012-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verity/pseuds/verity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>commentfic for <a href="http://upupa-epops.livejournal.com/127143.html">the Trolling Comment!Ficathon</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're creating a hostile environment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ever_neutral](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ever_neutral/gifts), [pocochina](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=pocochina), [Angearia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angearia/gifts).



> Still have never seen an clip of the actual show, but I've been informed that my characterization is frighteningly accurate.

"I thought thread count only mattered in sheets," Elena says, plucking at the fabric of the skirt Damon is holding out to her.

"Rough cottons on your fine skin?" Damon says. " _Tsk, tsk._ Haven't I taught you better?"

"Uh, no?" Elena tilts her head to the side. "Although you did teach me the best ways for removing bloodstains from natural fibers."

"This is cute," Stefan says, holding up a long strapless dress with a large, bright, and aggressively floral print.

Damon's eyes widen in outrage. "That is _polyester._ That is a salmon _maxidress_ made of _polyester_."

"It's cute." Stefan protests.

Elena shrugs.

"That color _completely_ washes you out." Damon holds out silk bodycon dress that ascends from a dark indigo at the hem to a dusky violet at the shoulder. "Try this," he instructs. "And you, you, I don't _even_. Go to Forever 21 and _die_ there."

"Do they have a men's section?" Stefan calls to Elena, who's vanished into the fitting rooms.

Damon hands him a few twenties. "Just. Just go. Buy yourself some headbands."

"Do headbands go with that?"

"I can't _work_ like this, Stefan. You're creating a _hostile environment_."

"Shut up, you guys," Elena says, returning. "Save your boners for me."

Damon eyes the fit under her arms and clucks his tongue. "It'll do," he says. "I _suppose_."


End file.
